17 things I wish I knew before becoming a stepmom
Aug 02, · 25 Rules for Being a GOOD StepMom 1. In the children’s eyes, you are the final and most obvious symbol of their dashed hopes that their parents might 2. There cannot be two sets of rules – daddy rules and wicked stepmother rules – you and your spouse should communicate 3. Do not try to compete Reviews: Aug 06, · Force your stepchild to call you “mother” or “mum” no matter how young they are when you come into their life. They have a mum and you Author: Tiff Stevenson.
Nothing can prepare you for life as a new stepmom -- except maybe women who've weathered the initial storms themselves. Below, stepmothers who blog for HuffPost share their best advice on getting through the early challenges of life in a blended family.
But my husband is the reason I am a stepmom in the first place. When our relationship is solid, we are better equipped to handle our stepfamily stressors. Not to mention, we are way more attentive, patient and united as parents. Take the high road, always. Give yourself permission to gradually discover their authentic, vulnerable selves and fall in love. If you love their dad, chances are, his kids will be awesome, too, but let love how to bend words in microsoft word on its own timetable.
There will be setbacks. Mothers tend to be so hard on themselves and sometimes I think that's even more true of stepmothers. Apologize if you need to, set ground rules if it helps, but don't be too hard on yourself if you find yourself in a tough spot as a stepparent. Remember, this isn't easy. Child support is his responsibility. If you feel yourself being dragged down or worried about the talk, remind yourself that the only thing that matters is your relationship with your family.
What people were saying had no effect on me and my family. We are fixers. So naturally, stepmoms approach conflict with their husband and his ex-wife with rose-colored glasses, thinking they may be able to fix the co-parenting problems. No positive outcome comes from that. Your first priority is yourself self-care is super important and your marriage. When you and your new husband put yourselves first, everyone benefits and your marriage thrives.
Wasting your time and energy disliking his ex is pointless. At best, your stepkids are going to be ambivalent about you and your marriage. Child support is going to cut into your monthly expenses. No one can fix your partner's co-parenting relationship but your partner and his ex.
You're going to need some fellow stepmoms in your corner. Stepparenting is hard as hell. Remind yourself of that daily. Suggest a correction. Experts Weigh In. Here's Where To Start. Newsletter Sign Up. Successfully Subscribed!
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Jan 19, · First, you have to like them, I said. And don’t think of a stepmother as someone removed, as being a step lower than the mother who gave birth. Because when you get down to the nitty gritty, to the scabbed knees and sleepless nights, there really isn’t any difference between a stepmom and natural mom.
Eight years ago, I married the father of a preteen girl. With my young son from a prior relationship, I thought we would form the perfect blended family. I pictured long conversations with my stepdaughter about boys and fashion — over mani-pedis and lunch dates.
I imagined myself as her second mother, someone she would come to for support and advice whenever needed. That dream began to fade away as I struggled to form a bond with her.
She considered me a threat — and misbehaved to get her father's attention. Instead of living happily as a newlywed, I was miserable in my new role as a stepmom. When her father and I eventually divorced, I considered my inability to connect with her more of a failure in some ways than our marriage.
I vowed to have a better relationship with my future stepchild, should I become a stepmom again. Years later, I found love again. While my partner and I contemplated the decision to have his teen son come live with us, I sought advice from our premarital counselor. His advice has sustained us many years later — and I have learned some valuable lessons about step-motherhood. Abandon any preconceived notions of how your life will be as a stepmom — and make way for reality.
Trying to live up to some romanticized ideal will only cause disappointment. You are the person that their father chose to love and brought into their lives uninvited. Let your stepchild take the lead in establishing how your relationship will develop. Do not assume the role as a parent liaison. You will create tension in your relationship with your husband if he feels you are undermining his authority as a parent.
He entered the marriage with the responsibility of being a parent and his child should remain a priority. Promoting ways your husband can spend quality time with his child can earn you respect and strengthen your marriage. Whether your stepchild misbehaved out of resentment, or unintentionally hurt you, do not take it personal. Put yourself in their shoes before you react. And try to practice patience. Inserting yourself into co-parenting drama can cause problems in your relationship with your stepchild.
Support your husband from the sidelines, but let him deal with his ex. Cohabitation may be something your family is not ready to handle, emotionally or financially. If possible, avoid relocating children until you have built a strong foundation for your marriage.
Take advantage of the opportunity to invest your time in someone your husband loves more than anyone else on earth. Do it for the sake of your marriage — and to create a bond with your stepchild that may last a lifetime. When your stepchild does something out of hurt and anger, learn to forgive. Holding on to negativity will only impede your relationship.
Whether or not you are accepted as a bonus mom, being a stepmom gives you a bonus person to love. Approaching your role with dedication and thoughtfulness will help contribute to your family's success. Product Reviews.
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You are not their mother — or their friend. You are not the middle man. It is not all about you. Do not be easy to offend. Do not get involved in co-parenting issues. Do not force the issue of cohabitation. Get to know your stepchild as a person.
Learn to let things go. Despite everything, love. This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses.
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